Teen Mom

Have you watched "Teen Mom"? It's an MTV spinoff of their successful series "16 and Pregnant". I really like this show. I thought 16 and Pregnant was going to be some fluffy show about some well to do white girls who get knocked up, live home, and "suffer" through living with their parents, not having to work , and getting a fabulous internship from dad while attending college. I also thought it may go the other way and be super ghetto about a bunch of 16 year old hood dwelling minorities who get pregnant, go on welfare, drop out of school, and live in the projects while working in fast food for the rest of their lives.

To my surprise, it turned out to show the real face(s) of pregnant teenagers. Amber is a high school student who attempts to try to make it work with her (now) live in boyfriend. They struggle with domestic disputes that become physical and with who will pay the bills. Maci is a young lady who thinks getting pregnant, engaged, and married within a year will make a happy ending. She quickly finds out that reality is not so happy when she's living at home when filing court papers for child support. One couple were smart and figured out early on that adoption was not the easy but best answer for their child. Tyler and Catlynn come from a rather dysfunctional home and realize that bringing a baby into it would not be fair to a child. They did maturely choose an open adoption to the disapproval of their parents.

There were many more of these stories within the the show and so many more that are never televised. 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom both explore the truth in teen motherhood. Truths that all teen girls need to see. Although they do not entertain you with some ghetto hootchies that don't know how to speak proper english, they do explore the reality of having a child while in high school. Simutaneously they put first "loves" on exhibit.

This is a show I'd have my daughter watch (and hope my little sister is studying), because I often see these girls on the street, hell I knew some of them when I was growing up and find them an interested group.

I always wonder how it happens and why they think they will be the ones to beat the odds. With all the reality that surrounds them, I wonder what makes them think that they can turn a 16, 17, or 18 year old boy into a family man. Something that a lot of 30 year old women haven't been able to accomplish! And last I wonder why they'd choose such a hard road? Don't they know there is so much in life that they should look forward to past being a baby mama?

When I got pregnant at 23 years old. I felt like a "baby having a baby". I knew that my days of partying, hoping on planes when I felt like it, and spending money how I felt were over. Little did I know that so much more came with it. There were times that I seriously thought 'I can not handle this' and I'd regroup and be the mother I am supposed to be. Now that my child is six years old, I know I could not have successfully handled the type of stress that comes with a baby and relationship all at sixteen years old.

I'm not saying it can't be done. It can, I've seen it. But the chances are slim. Why even put yourself through the misery when you have options? I don't place my opinions on anyone for the option they should choose but I also include birth control in that catagory. I honestly think that is the easiest option available.

At 16 years old, I knew it'd be easier to tell my mom I was on birth control than it would be to tell my parents I was pregnant. Think about which one you or your parents would prefer to hear... Then watch Teen Mom on MTV Mondays at 10 pm or 16 and Pregnant on Tuesdays at 10 pm.

Mothers & Sons &

From the moment I decided to have my child, I prayed he would be a boy. I knew I couldn't handle a girl as I've never really been a "girly" girl. Hair grooming, periods, boys, (possible) tears over boys, and boys who may want to impregnate my Baby Girl were not what I was looking forward to. A closet full of jeans and khakis, t-shirts, sports, and swag is more my forte. My prayers were answered.

In the beginning I had no idea that I'd end up raising my son by myself. I did know I was capable of doing it, I didn't need to worry about that. Even when I began raising him by myself I didn't worry too much about going at it as a single parent.

That was until I realized I did not know how the male mind works. Yes, I know what is on mens minds but I have no idea about their thought processes, both scientifically or emotionally.

Any woman out there who says she does not need a man to raise her son is very wrong. Boys need a man to teach them how to be men. Considering the problems the black community is having, the lack of MEN is a symptom and a cause equally of many of them. There is an average of over 50% of single mother households in the black community, while the average is just over 20% for the white community. These differences can be linked to many causes however considering that fatherless men tend to create more fatherless boys; it is a vicious cycle.

Consider this: A young man is being raised by a single mother with barely any to no contact with his father. This same boy's friends do not have a male presence at home, nor do many family members. All during this time he hears women saying "I don't need a man", or "Men ain't s**t", or even better "his father ain't s**t". What do you think happens while this boy becomes a "man"? Yup. The things I want so badly to avoid with my son.

These boys have no idea of what men are and how they are supposed to perform as men. But if the chicken came before the egg; the women do not know what men are and how they are supposed to behave either. So they chose men that will continue the cycle with them.

The only way to stop this cycle is for us (heterosexual black women) to stop thinking sex has minimal consequences and realize that actually being "picky" can save you and your child from a lifetime of drama and/or misery. Lets stop glorifying misogyny and start celebrating family and pride. Lets stop telling our sons that "they ain't s**t", and start showing them that men who get respect are the ones who earn it.

What am I concerned about? I'm concerned that my son thinks 'Dads don't have to do anything' (yes he has said this to me). I am concerned that he may think that a woman needs no support so he can just love her and leave her. I am afraid that he will think a woman's duty is to bring home the bacon, fry it, and wash the dishes after not having a moment to eat it. I hope he does not put more passion into his looks, his social life, his hobbies, his music, or his own promiscuity than he does his family.

These are the lessons that are not taught in school or through verbal communication. These are the lessons that are taught through experience and example.

How will I teach my son these lessons? I hope that my monogamy will be his first example. I hope he'll recognize that not just anyone can come through our door. Next, he will support me in keeping our family so he knows a woman can not and should not maintain the household alone. And last, when he gets older and realizes that he is an only child for a reason or there is a considerable age difference between him and his sibling is because it takes time to choose who has earned a place with a woman.