Happy Birthday To You

I wasn't sure I'd have time to post this month. November is a very "event" filled time in my family. Not only is it when I prepare for the onset of the holidays, but it also seems to be every one I knows birthday; including my own. I don't say that to receive birthday wishes or gifts (although I won't turn any down!). To explain my bit of insanity at this time of the year; My brother, my best friend, my son, myself, a few associates, and a few family members were all born in November.

A companion of mine, someone I consider a kindred spirit, and I had a conversation on the topic of November. He does not believe in celebrating birthdays. His belief doesn't stem from any religious principle or a saturnine character; he believes it's narcissistic. Narcissism is a topic my friend and I usually agree on, accept in this conversation. His reason for the lack of birthday celebration is one I do understand and can agree with on some level. "Isn't it extremely narcissistic for a person to jump around and celebrate their own presence on earth, something they had nothing to do with, because they were one of billions born on this day?", he said, "I prefer to believe its like Mothers' Day, where I take time to reflect on my mother and what the day is for her. She did everything, I just arrived." I let that run through my head overnight before I decided to write this. My response to him is what I am sharing with you.

When considering his reasons for birthday non-celebrations I began to reflect on a few things. My thoughts were on my birthdays, my son's birthday, and the birthdays of those I prefer to recognize. I began to contemplate what made my birthday seem like a joyous occasion. I thought about what has made my son's birthday's so exciting, and what makes me regard someone else's birthday as note or gift worthy.

I agree that it is egoism to run around telling people it's your birthday and they should feel honored that you expect them to utilize their free time and hard earned cash to make you feel special. It is a bit self centered to want people to accept the date to be considered Your Day. And for what? What have you done that is so excellent the world as we know it should give up one of its only 365 days of the year to celebrate the nativity of you? These are questions I posed to myself when I realized the answer does not lie within me, but those around me.

It could be maturity or sensibility that has made me realize that birthdays are special because you are made to feel special, not for telling people you are special. Birthday celebrations are given to you, not given by you. Those who choose to recognize your birthday are letting you know you have a meaning in their lives. Think about those people whose birthday you choose to recognize. Notice I'm saying recognize. There is no rule that says you must get intoxicated, buy gifts, or buy a new outfit and hit the club to show someone they have meaning to you. A phone call (or a text these days) to say "Happy Birthday" should even be accepted and appreciated.
If you spend your "special day" alone, which I have occasionally done, use the time to do something exciting and reflect on the gift of your life, what you love about it, and what you want from it. You may be surprised to find more joy in inner peace and sanctity than in a hang over from a night of partying.

That doesn't mean putting together your own birthday party is a bad thing, but put it together and appreciate those who come to celebrate your life but also appreciate those who do not make it but contact you still to say "Happy Birthday". The value you have in some one's life should make you feel good enough that if only 1 or 2 people recognize your birthday, you know that you have a standing place in the world.

Empire State of Mind/I Love NY

Carrie Bradshaw had a love for the city that not many people could understand, but I have always felt that love is what attracted me to the show (Sex In the City).  However Carrie's love is only island size, my love spans multiple boroughs. 

I've lived in New York my whole life.  I've always felt there was no where else to live.  I mean live.  A few years ago I attempted to relocate to a Florida city.  In what I can only describe as maternal haste, I was seduced by the idea of year long good weather, beaches, outdoor play, clean streets, and affordable rent that included a pool.  Needless to say it wasn't very long before I returned home.  The first minute I stepped foot in a New York City street again, it was like a rebirth.  I was one of those people smiling in the street.  I couldn't stop being that person that New Yorker's think "Why is she smiling?  Is she crazy?".  Since that time, three years ago, I've felt a yearning to write about my feelings about my first love: New York.  I kept questioning how would I express a feeling so deep, so wide, and so long?  An emotion that never disappeared, but was further reestablished?  How could such sentiment be expressed in a form that was shorter than the good book , strong enough to receive reader empathy, and rich enough to break the emotional bank? 

Recently I heard something that made me say "YES! THERE IT IS!  MY NEW YORK STATE OF MIND!".  And that it was: an Empire State of Mind.  A new joint by Jay Z featuring Alicia Keys, two of NYC's many successful offspring.  Empire state of mind, or as I refer to it the new "New York,New York", is a version that Frankie can be proud of.  Jay gives props to all the boroughs and Alicia's voice in the chorus really make you proud of the city.  

Many times I've walked these streets and rode these subways knowing that no matter what happened it's here that I can get over any thing, begin a new, or find any opportunity that I wish for.  How many times have I passed people and wondered if we'd ever crossed paths before or will we ever pass again?  

*Although I don't think I'll be jumping on stage at the next Jay Z concert i.e. Lil Mama, I do understand her unrestrained emotion to hearing the song.  I mean with references from Harlem to 8th Street to Bedstuy to out of state bus trips, I can find the good, the bad, and the ugly in it all.  When you can find those three feelings and still feel the love and the reciprocation of that endearment; it can only be true love.  As Alicia's words ring:

"New York/Concrete Jungle where dreams are made of/There's nothing you can't do/Now you're in New York/The streets will make you feel brand new/The lights will inspire you/Let's hear it for New York"

I pay homage through the eyes and voices of many, but still I pay homage.  So many forget about there first love but mine will be mine.. til death do us part.

*Check out a clip from the 2009 VMA's for a clearer understanding.