Book Review: Changing Your Course, The 5-Step Guide to Getting the Life You Want

In anticipation of the arrival of 2010, I'm doing a book review. It is usually during this time of the year folks are thinking about changes for the new year and if you are serious about change, this book is for you. Yes Changing Your Course is a Self Help/Inspirational book BUT please read on! You think that books of this nature are written by the self righteous or the born rich. You may also assume that these books don't relate to my situation, or don't take your financial situation into consideration. If you have any of these feelings, I'm glad to introduce you to Bob and Melinda Blanchard. The Blanchards (as they are collectively known), are serial entrepreneurs; authors, resturantuers, chefs, and have a host of other titles under their belt. Their latest pen is another addition to their Live What You Love brand.

The Blanchards approach to living what you love is more realistic than any book I've read thus far. They are not cheerleaders, and they are not telling you that everything will be a cakewalk during the process. Just as when they experienced setbacks while setting up their resturant in Anguilla, they want you to be realistic about the importance of being ready to take a detour when necessary. They focus on the work you will need to do to achieve your goals and if you really want to change something, how the hard work will not be work but instead process. The authors are literally giving you their map to achieving success.

Changing Your Course is a wonderful book that is built on the acronym D.R.E.A.M. Yes, we hate acronyms, but so do Bob and Melinda, however their 5 steps fit perfectly for living your dream, so we excuse it for a moment.

The Blanchards steps are Decide, Research, Evaluate, Act, and Maintain. Although these ideas may seem obvious, I found the things they are telling you to D.R.E.A.M about, may not be. In chapter one they suggest you decide what will make you happier. It could be redecorating, a diet, a new career, or getting out of a relationship. One great thing about this book is that it's not about one particular type of change but changing anything you feel will make your life more passionate. In chapter three they give you advice on evaluating your options, the money topic (not as scary as you think), and fear; the number one reason people do not change things they are unhappy about. In the end they discuss how to maintain what change you accomplish. Maintaining your dream is like maintaining your weight; if you decide to go back to your old eating habits after reaching your goal, expect to pull out those old garments.

My advice is: When reading a book that will help you achieve a goal it is important to read with a positive frame of mind and an open heart . Besides, if you're working on self improvement, isn't that a positive thing? Something to be happy about? If you are going to voluntarily take advice on how to live what you love, you can not take the advice waiting to inject negativity into the process. If you are experiencing negative feelings you may want to rethink if this is the time to attempt such changes. But if you feel this is the time for ________, then I suggest picking up this publication and putting these 5 steps into action.

If it is for a New Year resolution or a New You resolution, I wish you all the best.

*I would like to thank all of you who have helped me change my course this year by supporting my blog. I hope 2010 brings you all the strength to make the changes you want and further bless the blessings you already attain. I hope you'll keep on reading and feel free to contact me at rezrek@yahoo.com to add names to the update list, delete your name, or anything regarding this blog. PLEASE leave comments if the mood strikes you.

Happy Birthday To You

I wasn't sure I'd have time to post this month. November is a very "event" filled time in my family. Not only is it when I prepare for the onset of the holidays, but it also seems to be every one I knows birthday; including my own. I don't say that to receive birthday wishes or gifts (although I won't turn any down!). To explain my bit of insanity at this time of the year; My brother, my best friend, my son, myself, a few associates, and a few family members were all born in November.

A companion of mine, someone I consider a kindred spirit, and I had a conversation on the topic of November. He does not believe in celebrating birthdays. His belief doesn't stem from any religious principle or a saturnine character; he believes it's narcissistic. Narcissism is a topic my friend and I usually agree on, accept in this conversation. His reason for the lack of birthday celebration is one I do understand and can agree with on some level. "Isn't it extremely narcissistic for a person to jump around and celebrate their own presence on earth, something they had nothing to do with, because they were one of billions born on this day?", he said, "I prefer to believe its like Mothers' Day, where I take time to reflect on my mother and what the day is for her. She did everything, I just arrived." I let that run through my head overnight before I decided to write this. My response to him is what I am sharing with you.

When considering his reasons for birthday non-celebrations I began to reflect on a few things. My thoughts were on my birthdays, my son's birthday, and the birthdays of those I prefer to recognize. I began to contemplate what made my birthday seem like a joyous occasion. I thought about what has made my son's birthday's so exciting, and what makes me regard someone else's birthday as note or gift worthy.

I agree that it is egoism to run around telling people it's your birthday and they should feel honored that you expect them to utilize their free time and hard earned cash to make you feel special. It is a bit self centered to want people to accept the date to be considered Your Day. And for what? What have you done that is so excellent the world as we know it should give up one of its only 365 days of the year to celebrate the nativity of you? These are questions I posed to myself when I realized the answer does not lie within me, but those around me.

It could be maturity or sensibility that has made me realize that birthdays are special because you are made to feel special, not for telling people you are special. Birthday celebrations are given to you, not given by you. Those who choose to recognize your birthday are letting you know you have a meaning in their lives. Think about those people whose birthday you choose to recognize. Notice I'm saying recognize. There is no rule that says you must get intoxicated, buy gifts, or buy a new outfit and hit the club to show someone they have meaning to you. A phone call (or a text these days) to say "Happy Birthday" should even be accepted and appreciated.
If you spend your "special day" alone, which I have occasionally done, use the time to do something exciting and reflect on the gift of your life, what you love about it, and what you want from it. You may be surprised to find more joy in inner peace and sanctity than in a hang over from a night of partying.

That doesn't mean putting together your own birthday party is a bad thing, but put it together and appreciate those who come to celebrate your life but also appreciate those who do not make it but contact you still to say "Happy Birthday". The value you have in some one's life should make you feel good enough that if only 1 or 2 people recognize your birthday, you know that you have a standing place in the world.

Empire State of Mind/I Love NY

Carrie Bradshaw had a love for the city that not many people could understand, but I have always felt that love is what attracted me to the show (Sex In the City).  However Carrie's love is only island size, my love spans multiple boroughs. 

I've lived in New York my whole life.  I've always felt there was no where else to live.  I mean live.  A few years ago I attempted to relocate to a Florida city.  In what I can only describe as maternal haste, I was seduced by the idea of year long good weather, beaches, outdoor play, clean streets, and affordable rent that included a pool.  Needless to say it wasn't very long before I returned home.  The first minute I stepped foot in a New York City street again, it was like a rebirth.  I was one of those people smiling in the street.  I couldn't stop being that person that New Yorker's think "Why is she smiling?  Is she crazy?".  Since that time, three years ago, I've felt a yearning to write about my feelings about my first love: New York.  I kept questioning how would I express a feeling so deep, so wide, and so long?  An emotion that never disappeared, but was further reestablished?  How could such sentiment be expressed in a form that was shorter than the good book , strong enough to receive reader empathy, and rich enough to break the emotional bank? 

Recently I heard something that made me say "YES! THERE IT IS!  MY NEW YORK STATE OF MIND!".  And that it was: an Empire State of Mind.  A new joint by Jay Z featuring Alicia Keys, two of NYC's many successful offspring.  Empire state of mind, or as I refer to it the new "New York,New York", is a version that Frankie can be proud of.  Jay gives props to all the boroughs and Alicia's voice in the chorus really make you proud of the city.  

Many times I've walked these streets and rode these subways knowing that no matter what happened it's here that I can get over any thing, begin a new, or find any opportunity that I wish for.  How many times have I passed people and wondered if we'd ever crossed paths before or will we ever pass again?  

*Although I don't think I'll be jumping on stage at the next Jay Z concert i.e. Lil Mama, I do understand her unrestrained emotion to hearing the song.  I mean with references from Harlem to 8th Street to Bedstuy to out of state bus trips, I can find the good, the bad, and the ugly in it all.  When you can find those three feelings and still feel the love and the reciprocation of that endearment; it can only be true love.  As Alicia's words ring:

"New York/Concrete Jungle where dreams are made of/There's nothing you can't do/Now you're in New York/The streets will make you feel brand new/The lights will inspire you/Let's hear it for New York"

I pay homage through the eyes and voices of many, but still I pay homage.  So many forget about there first love but mine will be mine.. til death do us part.

*Check out a clip from the 2009 VMA's for a clearer understanding.  

BLACK LOVE

I've always been somewhat of a concert whore. I love live shows, I'll go out of my way to see an artist that I especially adore. Today I attended Summerstage. It was wonderful. The weather was perfect, I had one of my closest friends by my side, the artists were amazing, and what can be bad about that all happening in Central Park located in one of the best city's in the world? Nothing.

We decided to sit in the designated "picnic" area for the last act so we could take a breather;Yosh brought her spontaneous picnic blanket, very handy like most cute little Japenese inventions. Yosh grabbed a couple of sodas and an order of fries from the refreshment stand. While she was there, I noticed the young woman sitting next to our blanket. 'Hmm, she looks familiar', I thought, 'Hm, not sure but I like her dress'. Yosh came over and I glanced over at the young sister once more trying to remember. I couldn't but then I really noticed her hair. It was BIG. It was BEAUTIFUL. A 'fro that was combed out and messy, it still had a light curl to it though. It had that loose wet look. Of course I looked at her again to confirm that I didn't know her from...anywhere. After that I began to comb over the crowd. Because the performers were some of R&B's sexiest crooners, the audience consisted mostly of females. Looking out I observed many styles of braids, twists, locks, 'fros, and styles galore. I then took note of the beautiful dresses and accessories in the crowd;none of which I'd seen in the trendy West Village or on the red carpet... Between these observations Yosh and I chatted about the show, shoes, and anecdotes about day to day life. We shared the fries and killed those ice cold beverages on this hot hot but wonderful day. I realized that it was 5 o'clock and I needed to head home.

As I made my way to the exit, which meant we had to go the entire circumference of the crowd, I saw so many beautiful creatures I had to smile. So many shades of cream, brown, and black;so many lengths of dreads, 'fros, knots, and twist; so many curves those of S's, 8's, 0's, B's,; so many prints and colors. Just pure beauty. And I stopped and thought about how years ago during the Neo-Soul movement how I loved attending shows, half-way just to be part of these beautiful creatures. Then I thought 'And they are all mine. BLACK FOLK. My kind of people.' I took one more quick glance over the crowd and reaffirmed what the media, fashion, and "education" have tried so hard to take away from me...THE LOVE OF MY PEOPLE. THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTY BEYOND COMPREHENSION.

I recently heard Maxwell say in interview, "Neo-Soul was a movement, now its a culture that we must upkeep". And so true it is!

If we aren't getting it from external sources, then WE must get it from ourselves, and remind each other regularly. I LOVE YOU.

TOOL TIME: DO YOU NEED A MAN?

There was a time, not long ago, when you could count on a man to come by to install your AC, paint your kitchen, or fix your leaky faucet. That "man" could be 15 years old or 50 years old. Those days are slowly fading away.

Metrosexuals immediately came to mind when I originally came upon this peculiar species of males that can barely change a lightbulb, let alone rewire a lamp. You know these men; they are the ones that have every hair in place (or the right ones out of place), can style you better than you, and spend just as much time as you (if not more) getting ready for the day. These men have been seduced by GQ and Kanye West. Manicured fingernails and fresh Nikes are part of their uniform. The men I speak of are not of a time when men who took a moment in the mirror were instantly labled homosexual, they don't know that a man only dresses for church (weddings and funerals), a job interview, or for a date. These men are looking proper... for themselves.

Now ladies, there was a time when we were saying to our sons and husbands, "Are you really going to wear that?", or "Have you even looked in the mirror?". But times have changed! Something about men utilizing an iron made them forget how to utilize a hammer. Or is it something more? Can this lack of "ahem"...masculinity be attributed to the lack of fathers and masculine role models for men of the last and current generations? Think; 'How did those boys learn the difference between an adjustable wrench and a socket wrench? Who showed him how to execute and appreciate that nice even coated ceiling paint job? Who was going to hang your new 50 inch flat screen if your husband wasn't home?' The answer was 'Any man you know'. Nowadays, you may have to sit for a moment and think about who can do it.

I was the first child of my parents, and the first grandchild as well. I, like many black women, was raised to be independent.."depend on no man" was the mantra I heard many times from both my mothers and fathers. My father and grandfather meant this not only to mean financially, but also domestically. From a young age I was taught how to use tools, fix things, paint, plant foods (yes in NY), and a whole heap of other "manly" responsibilities. When I got my first apartment at 18 years old, I received a toolkit from my dad as a house warming gift. I was thrilled to receive it ( and I still have it). My mother and grandmother were also handy women. They were married, but still were able to do a lot of the "men's work" around the house. I always assumed these lessons were so that I would be an Independent Woman, but now I wonder if my parents were psychic in some way. Did they see that I would end up married to a man that wouldn't know how to install a window air conditioner properly, or live with one who admitted "supervising" was his best attribute to putting things together? Did they know that when I needed heavy boxes moved at the office, it would be me and my female assistant doing the job?

You see in 2009 I've found that with all the males you may know, you may only have 1 or 2 that can come by and hang your new light fixture or put your new Ikea furniture together. You may even know 0 and resort to paying contractors for trivial fixes.

My suggestion is this: "Ladies grab a philips head and do it yourself. Pull your daughter to your feet while you do it; because at the current rate, she'll have a cooking spoon in one hand and a putty knife in the other (after she gets home from work)".